In celebration of the recent summer solstice... I'm doing a fun give-away! YAY!
As you may have (or may not have) noticed I tend re-purpose findings and techniques in new and sometimes unconventional ways... From optical lenses to braille to shark teeth. The design process is a little adventure to me.
Many times this design process requires a bit of humor or wit to get a new perspective on things.
For this give away all you have to do is tell me a joke in the comments.
I will pick my favorite joke and you will get a fun sterling silver "Shark Bites" summer necklace of your choice. (see image below)
Made from mioncene era shark teeth fossils from the Chesapeake bay little accent beads from turquoise, onyx or coral , and a bit of wit stamped on a sterling silver tag that says:
"LOOKIN SHARP", "SHARP", MAN EATER","I BITE" OR "BITER"
P.S. Make sure you're signed up to receive email updates because this is where I will announce the winner after July 14th 2011
I am horrible with jokes...but I will ask one that my daughter asked me recently...
What famous bear needs to wear a diaper?
Sorry...I know I have *no* hope of winning...but it was all I have! ;)
Hopefully you're a fan of British sci-fi!
tarheelgalwv32 @ hotmail dot com
A neutron walks into a bar and buys himself a drink. When he asks "how much?" the bartender says "For you.. No Charge" :)
A joke my daughter who is a chem major told me!
I love Lookin Sharp necklace!
So...when there's a piece of cheese....and it's not on your plate...it's on, say, your friend's plate...what kind of cheese it that???
Who is the greatest enemy of Spiderman?
Slipperman, of course.
Ok, I learned this one in a comedy class in college...
What is the useless skin around a penis called?
productsoftheday at gmail dot com
I remembered this one when I walked into my house last night...
Where does the worst band in the world live?
Three Doors Down ;)
Here is mine:
"Do you have change for a paradigm"?
hello nice giveaway ^^
so here is a joke :
George W. Bush Visits Algeria
George W. Bush visits Algeria. As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: "You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra..."
i'm Algerian btw thanks
Yo mama is so short, you can see her feet in her drivers license
it's not an original...but it made me laugh :)
Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.
The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.
They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."
Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.
The man replied, "Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, "Come out and fight like a man!".
Two little old ladies, Doris & Jackie were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
The short one, Jackie leaned over and said,
'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!'
'You're on!' said Doris holding up a $10.00 bill.
So Jackie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and,completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.
Finally, the smiling Jackie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won $1,000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement... !'
My husband sent me an email a couple of days ago, and he sent me this joke that I thought was pretty funny about an FBI job opening..but anyway, I cross my fingers and hope to win ;) Here is the joke:
"The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances."
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn.. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
Women are crazy.
Don't mess with them."
Nury77 at live dot ca
This is a true story. I just tell it like a joke.
My sister Margaret teaches kindergarten. Her charges are darling four- and five-year-olds who love her to pieces. One of her favorites this year is boy she calls Little Z. One day, just before school ended, Little Z carefully traced his hand, colored it in with crayons and brought it to show her. He was very proud of his artwork. After the art lesson came reading. The letter of the day was F. Everyone drew a picture of the letter F and cut it out. It was a very good day. Later, as Margaret was helping the kids get ready to go home, she called out to Little Z, "Don't forget to take your F and hand with you." She suddenly wished she had enunciated the words a bit more clearly.
haha. I vote for Jen's joke! Here's a bug joke:
This guy lived on his own and he was feeling a bit lonely, so he goes to the pet shop to get something to keep him company. The pet shop owner suggested an unusual pet, a talking millipede. OK, thought the man, I'll give it a go, so he bought one and took it home.
That night he decided to test out his new pet, so he opened the box and said, "I'm going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too?"
But there was no reply.
He tried again, "Oi, millipede, wanna come to the boozer with me?"
Again, no response.
So the man ranted and raved for a bit, but after a while decided to give it one more try before he took the thing back to the shop.
So he took the lid off the box and repeated, "I said I'm going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come?"
"I heard you the first time," snapped the millipede, "I'm just putting my shoes on."
Hahahah! Here's mine.
"What do elephants use for tampons?
Adolph ball hit me in de mowf. Dat's why I dawk dis way.
Have you ever smelled moth balls?
You have...... how did you get there little legs apart???
How does a snake sign it's letters
Hugs and Hisses :)
cyclona66 at aol dot com
WOMEN AND GOD
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and wastaken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live"
Upon recovery,the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home,she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
"I didn't recognize you."
Enter me! lorence_f [at] hotmail.com
It takes 7 secs for food to go from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The penis is 3X the length of a man's thumb. A femur is hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. Humans use 300 muscles just to balance while standing. Women will read this entire post. Men are staring at their thumbs. ;)
Copied and pasted from an email my mom sent me :)
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?
DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN???!!!
Thanks for the giveaway!
Casey, galaxyboogie at gmail dot com
ok here we go, im no good at jokes but, im smitten with that gorgeous necklace so i'll give it ago.
What did the dentist say when his wife bakes a cake?
I can do the filling!!
Hey, wanna hear a bird joke? ...No? Well this is hawkward...
A joke, eh?
What does the Pope eat on Sunday?
Sorry, crude, but still funny. Thanks.
A hit man named Artie was called into the Godfather's office. The Godfather says, "Artie you're my most trusted man and I need you to kill my wife, she's driving me crazy and I can't take it anymore, I'll pay you $50,000 to do it." Artie replies, "Godfather, I will do anything you ask but I cannot accept payment from you." The Godfather insists and finally Artie says, "Fine, to make you feel better I'll do it for a dollar and no more." The Godfather agrees and tells Artie he will not be at home this evening so his wife will be all alone.
Artie sneaks into the house late that night and strangles the wife while she is sleeping, he hears a noise, turns around and the maid is staring at him, she screams, he grabs her and strangles her as well. He then goes downstairs and runs into the butler, who woke up when he heard the maid scream...so Artie strangles him too! The neighbors hear the commotion and call the police who catch Artie and arrest him as he exits the home.
Do you know what the newspaper front page headline was the next day?
ARTIE CHOKES 3 For A DOLLAR
(An oldie my dad told me a long time ago)
A guy tells his psychiatrist: ''It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?'' ''Well,'' says the psychiatrist. ''Maybe she didn’t see the email!!''
It looks like a fun contest so i'll give it a go. It's a bit long but that's part of the game so stay with me, ok? Willing suspension of disbelief.
"So, you're dead (here it is). And of course, you go on to the afterlife, you and two of your friends, who were with you in this terrible and fatal car accident you had. At least you are not alone when you meet Saint Peter, the guardian of the doors of Heaven. So Saint Peter tells you: "I'm the one who will decide if you will go to Hell or Heaven, and decide of your punishment according to your sins. Follow me."
You and your friends are totally freaking out, wondering if you've lead mainly a holy, or a sinful life... So, you're strolling through a loooong corridor and it is full of hundred of doors. At some point, Saint Pierre suddenly stops in front of one of them.
It opens with an awfull creaking noise... Saint Peter says: "Gerard, this is for you." The three of you have a peek inside. It is a room, entirely filled with a bed. On it, is the most awful woman a human being has led eyes on. She is horribly deformed, the staunch emanating from her is unbearable, and looks you straight with her unique eye with a sardonic "hinhinhin"...
"GERARD! You have lived in sin all your life. For your punishment in the afterlife, you will have to have sex with this creature... FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY !"
Gerard, kicking, crying and screaming, is sucked into the doorway and the door slams shut behind him. There is a dead silence between you, your remaining friend and Saint Peter. But here he goes again.
You walk along the corridor, because well you have to, and soon you stop at another door. This is your other friend's turn. The door opens, *skreeek*, and inside...
Inside is the most repulsive man you could ever imagine. You thought you had seen it all with the first door, but this is beyond everything you've ever seen. He's covered in warts on all his body, part of his skin is falling off, and the smell... Oh GOD the smell!
"SIMONE! You have lived in sin all your life. For your punishment in the afterlife, you will have to have sex with this creature... FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY !"
Simone's scrams are muffled by the shutting door, and to be honest, you're scared out of your mind! Saint Peter has resumed walking, and you follow along, for what seems like an eternity, to what you expect to be your impending doom. There is no way you could have lived less sinfully than you buddies with were with you in the car! Well, you're about to find out. Saint Peter stops, and yet another door opens.
Inside, there is yet another bed. But this time... There lies the most sexy man on earth (I have a personal favorite on Russel Crowe in Gladiator, so let's go Russel Crowe, ok, go with me on this.), naked in all his yummy goodness, on the bed. "Well, after all", you think, "maybe this is my reward! I'm in heaven! YAY! :') And Saint Peter says:
"RUSSEL CROWE! You have lived in sin all your life. For your punishment in the afterlife..."
*Can easily turned into a male version according to the listener's gender* I'm so WINNING with this one ;)
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."
aikychien at yahoo dot com
- We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
- We have Silvio Berlusconi, no wonder, no hope and no cash.
(I'm Italian, obviously lol)
This is my favourite joke:
"Hi honey, this is daddy...is your mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, she`s upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Tom"
After a brief pause Daddy says, "But you haven`t got an uncle Tom honey!"
"Oh yes I do, and he`s upstairs with mommy right now!"
"Uh, okay then...here`s what i want you to do for me please. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to mommy and uncle Tom that Daddy`s car just pulled outside the house"
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said Daddy"
"and what happened?"he asks
"Well, mommy get all scared jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she`s all bleeding with a broken neck."
"OOh my god,!!!!and what about your uncle Tom?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into swimming pool....but he must have forgotten that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he`s writhing in pain".
Then Daddy says,"swiming pool!!!????? is this 555-7039?"
A woman in her late 40's comes home from her annual yearly Mammogram.
She tells her husband "the Technologist says I have the breasts of an 21 year old".
Her husband asks, "What did she say about your ass".
She replies "Funny.. but I don't believe that you were ever even mentioned"!
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
I Pledge Allegiance
Not quite getting it, the little first grader said, "I led the pigeons to the flag."
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a Saran Wrap suit. The psychiatrist looks at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts."
Here's a good one!:
A woman holding her baby walks onto a bus and the bus driver says, "That is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!" The woman is fuming and goes to sit down. She tells the guy next to her, "The bus driver just insulted me!" and the man tells her, "Go and tell him off- I'll hold your monkey for you."
I've got a good one for you.
A man is walking along the beach and finds a bottle. He rubes it and out pops a Genie.
The Genie tells him that he'll grant him 1 wish. The man starts thinking about what he would want. He already has money, a hott wife and all that stuff.
After a few minutes he says to the Genie " I wish for a highway to be built from California to Hawaii" The Genia says, " That's too hard pick something else"
The man then wishes to be able to understand women. The Genie pauses and says, " Do you want one lane or two"!
Hope you enjoyed it!!!
I have one that comes to mind:
What did the mayo say to the fridge?
"Close the door, I'm dressing!"
Har, har har!
Here's a very common joke in Malaysia... I'll translate it from Chinese to English XD
Once there was a mental hospital, a patient was sitting in a corner, writing a letter.
A nurse approached him and out of curiosity, she asked, "Who are you writing to?"
The patient answer, "To myself."
The nurse then asked again, "So what are you writing about?"
The patient stopped writing and yelled at her, "Are you CRAZY?? How am I supposed to know since I haven't received it yet?!"
sydney.0912 at gmail.com
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